Is Happiness Just a Decision?
If you are at all inquisitive into the human condition, like me, or slightly affected by early childhood trauma, like me, love learning, like me, or a part of your life’s journey is about self-knowledge and self-improvement, like me, then you probably have your own opinion about the answer to the question of where happiness comes from.
If none of the above is true for you but you found the title intriguing, then you also probably have your own answer to the question. Either way, there are some interesting implications whether you think happiness is just a decision or not.
If you think it’s not a decision, that instead your happiness is dictated by the external circumstances of where you live, how much you earn, your education, family, background, gender, race, colour, weight, natural disposition etc. etc., then how do we explain the phenomena of life-changing events not delivering happiness, at least not sustained happiness. For example, there are numerous reports of lottery winners becoming depressed after an initial high, and 70% of lottery winners go broke within 7 years. And if happiness is a measure of circumstance and external ‘stuff’, how do we explain the fact that monks, who have very few possessions are reported to be among the happiest people alive?
Conversely, if you’re in the other camp and believe happiness is a decision, this perspective brings up some equally interesting questions and moral implications. First, if a decision, then I should in theory just be able to decide to be happy and through bloody-mindedness, stubbornness and/or patience, become happy. I think we can agree this does not happen, at least it has not yet for me.
More importantly, if happiness is a decision this implies that I’m responsible for my happiness, nobody else, no external factors, just me, and this suggests that despite all external factors it should be possible for everyone to be happy regardless of their circumstances.
In addition, if I’m responsible for my happiness then am I not also responsible for my sadness, my anger and all the other emotion I feel on a daily basis? If so then wow, that's big, huge in fact, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that type of responsibility.
Ok so now we have got the question into context, I want to introduce you to the purpose of this article. I’d like you to meet a guy called Sean Webb. Sean is a clever guy, a self-made man, has made a great life for himself and his family despite a challenging start. He was part of the US military, worked with NASA for a while and has worked in Artificial Intelligence more recently.
More importantly for us, he is the author of two very interesting books and the creator of a thousand-dollar course called Mind Hacking Happiness. By the way, the course is free at the moment, and it might not stay that way for long so if you are interested, sign up before that changes.
Just to be clear, I’m not affiliated in any way, have never met Sean and most certainly do not get any kickback. I do however think that Sean is on to something and want to share the info and my thoughts about it with you, so you can make your own decision.
Now, despite the corny name and slightly rough website presentation (sorry Sean, just being honest), his content, the ideas in his books and 45-day course are game-changing. I shit you not, it’s good, really good.
But before we continue let’s get something straight, MHH (Mind Hacking Happiness) is not a panacea or silver bullet. It will not make you any happier than you are now by magic. There is hard work involved, and it is up to you to do it. You could just read the books, take the 45-day course and though there would be some benefit, I doubt it will be long lasting.
IMO most self-help and happiness courses are just bullshit, just the creator trying to make a few quid. I’m not going to link any or call them out, you know who they are. Some may indeed have valuable content or be presented in a way that is meaningful to you, and if so great, but don’t be drawn in with the promise of, ‘by the time you have read this book…’, or ‘three weeks from now…’, that is just marketing crap.
What I’m is saying that to attain lasting change, effort and hard work on your part, are just as, if not more, important than the content. So, bear that in mind next time you are told to go to bed thinking of what you want after breathing 10 times and, in a few days, it will magically appear as a gift from the universe genie or whatever. Bullshit. If you want to change, you have to work at it and keep working at it until you effect it.
Sean understands this, and from day one makes it clear that it is up to you to put the effort in, in fact, he says that if you are not going to do the homework, don’t take the course. What a refreshing change!
So, what’s so special about MHH?
Well, I’m glad you asked, that is the point of this content and will partially help us to answer the question ‘Is Happiness just a Decision?’.
In part, Sean’s content is not new. Without giving the game away too much, he investigates the practices of self-knowledge, meditation and journaling and dives deeply to help you understand what makes you tick, why you are you, if you like. He helps you comprehend why you make the decisions you do and have the feelings you experience.
There is one vital part of the course though that, I think, is unique (Sean, if you are reading this drop a comment and let us know ;0). And that is his equation of emotion. For me, this was a game-changer.
In essence, the equation of emotion seeks to determine your emotional response about a comparison of your expectation/preference and your perception of the situation.
WTAF? What the hell does all that mean?
Another good question. Let me very briefly break it down for you. If you would prefer to hear it from the man himself here is a link to day 11 of the mind hacking happiness course that discusses the equation of emotion. HOWEVER, I STRONGLY recommend that you sign up for the course and take the lessons in order. But you’re a grown-up and can make your own decision.
Here is an example. I got angry at my dog because she ran off when I let her off the lead in the park. My Emotional Reaction was Anger, and this was caused by my Expectation that she would stay near me, but she didn’t she ran off. So my Perception was that she ran off.
So when I try to balance the fact that she ran off with the expectation/preference that she would stay close, there is an imbalance, a mismatch. And because of the imbalance, a negative emotion ensues, in my case anger.
Let’s stay with the pet analogy for a second example. When I eventually did retrieve her from sniffing the butt of the nearest retriever (did you see what I did there?), I then ask her to sit. And because she knows she will get a treat she does, immediately. This makes me happy.
So my Emotional Reaction is Happiness, Happiness was caused by my Expectation that she would sit, and the Perception that she had sat. In this case the Expectation and Perception balance so I receive a positive emotion, happiness.
Sean says that if the equation does not balance a negative emotion ensues, but if it does a positive emotion emerges. I like this because it is simple. There are lots of nuances that I won’t go into, you will have to take the course for that!
There is a final part that I haven’t mentioned yet and that is your self map.
As part of the course, Sean helps you discover, nuance and dive deeply into your definition of self — what makes you, you. There is a key link between your self map and the equation of emotion. In essence, if the Expectation/Perception is a part of yourself map an emotion will arise and if not then no feeling will appear.
So going back to my trusty hound example, the fact that she ran of links to my self map item of being a dog owner, and by proxy a dog trainer. When she ran off this implied I was not a good dog trainer so a negative emotion resulted. When she sat on command the implication was that I was a good dog trainer so a positive emotion resulted.
Generally, only items on your self map determine an emotional response. I’m not bothered either way about Olympic swimming, so if I see a news article about the winners and losers at an Olympic swimming event, then it just doesn’t bother me, this is because it doesn’t feature on my map. It is obvious when you think about it!
Back to the question on the table
Now you’ve got the basics of MHH, let’s get back to the question about happiness, is it just a decision?
I have read both mind hacking happiness books, the second one twice, and am just a few days away from completing the 45-day course. I can categorically state that, yes I am happier now than I was at the beginning of this journey.
I’ve used the equation of emotion on multiple occasions to understand why I have the emotions I do. I’ve used the mapping exercises to understand myself more and what my triggers are. I was already a meditator and have deepened my practice and I have used journaling to capture insights into my personality that would have otherwise stayed covered.
What has become crystal clear though, is that the techniques and tools I now have must become part of me, I am looking forward to the day when I am so in tune with them that I can, in the heat of the moment, name an emotion rising, the consider the perception and expectation that have resulted in the emotion to understand it and control it.
Currently, I’m doing this retroactively, after the emotion has passed. I expect it will take months, if not years to master and to work it out while the emotion expands. But this is important to me so I am resolved to putting the work in.
And that my friends, is the point. No matter what tools, books or processes work for you to increase your happiness, yes you must first decide that you want to increase your happiness, and then you need to put in the hard slog, the effort and work, especially when you don’t want to or can’t be bothered, in order to achieve your goal.
So yes increasing your happiness is a decision, but finding a method that works for you and committing to it is by far the more important factor.
Peace brothers and sisters, and thanks for reading.
Useful Links
Mind Hacking Happiness Website
Mind Hacking Happiness on Youtube
Mind hacking Happiness on Audible
The First book on Amazon
The Second book on Amazon
